


Broken Strings

by xxambreignsxx



Category: Professional Wrestling, WWE, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Aftermath of Dean's Turn on Seth, Apologies, Broken Dean, Crying, Dean's distant and Seth's guilty, Determined but shattered Seth, Drinking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Seth, Kayfabe Compliant, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mention of Past Emotional/Mental Abuse, PTSD, Past Neglect and lack of Communication, Post RAW 10/22/18, Thick Heavy Angst, Trauma and Fears, breakdowns, happy endings, rocky relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-21 17:45:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16581128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxambreignsxx/pseuds/xxambreignsxx
Summary: Seth knows he’ll most probably crash and burn alongside Dean, but there is no point in living without Dean.Note - Version 2 of 'I'll carry you Piece by Piece', aka, the aftermath of Dean's turn on Seth few weeks ago.Dean's not the same after his injury and the trauma it put him through. His fears and past is haunting him, and Seth missed all the signs until Dean finally broke down. Now he's here, determined to not let Dean be consumed by the darkness completely.





	Broken Strings

**Author's Note:**

> Some inspiration taken from this old promo from the Authority Era Seth Days.
> 
> twitter.com/deananbrose/status/1057788872174768128/video/1

Seth’s chest felt like it had dug a hole where his heart was suppose to be. Empty. Dark. Hollow. His eyes red and still wet, like he forgot how to stop crying. There was no rage, no anger...The only thing he felt was utter sadness. The sadness that was slowly but surely consuming him whole.

Seth wanted to find his way back to his hotel room, bury himself under the sheets and never get up. Forget whatever was happening and run away as far as he could. But wasn’t that what led them to where they were today in the first place? Seth wasn’t the same man he was four years ago. When it was easy for him to walk away from things that were difficult and needed an effort out of him. He couldn’t leave his heart out to break into million pieces and fade away. He couldn’t let Dean slip away from his fingers no matter how ugly things got between them. He needed to find Dean, he needed to bring his boy home.

Seth’s whole body ached. But nothing hurt as bad as knowing that the one person he loved more than anyone else in this entire world had finally reached his breaking point. Dean had snapped. Dean had cried and screamed and yelled, his fists raining over Seth in an attempt to make Seth feel the same pain that had completely consumed him. Seth knew more than anyone else that Dean could love fiercely, but the man he used to call his soulmate wasn’t the same man Seth remembered before Dean’s injury. Something had changed and Seth failed to make an effort to understand what was going on when he needed to do it the most. Now the pent up frustrations and emotions had finally taken over and Dean like a caged wounded animal attacked Seth.

It had been straight 2 hours Seth had been wandering the streets of the town where they had the emotionally charged RAW take place. Seth had felt rage and anger, but as the time passed and his mind rocked with the memories of Dean’s rage filled screams and tears, his heart started to ache painfully. He didn’t know where they stood in this moment, his Dean was long gone...Ever since he came back, Dean refused to let Seth in. In anyway. He wouldn’t let Seth touch him. Or make love to him. Or even hold him for too long. Dean had been so distant and Seth was too afraid to ask. He didn’t want to loose Dean completely but tonight he realized, he had lost him anyways.

Seth’s eyes squinted as he made out a hunched out form as he passed another dirty alley nearby a bar. The scruffy head and the pale skin making Seth’s heart beat violently in his chest. He stopped the car and took a deep breath, trying to remind himself that he needed to do this. He’ll most probably crash and burn alongside Dean, but there was no point in living without Dean.

Seth opened the car door and got out, slowly walking towards the tragic picture his partner- no...ex-partner made. Dean had his face buried between his knees, his body shaking slightly as he rested against a dirty wall. Seth assessed the situation as he got closer, wincing when he noticed a half empty bottle of liquor sitting besides Dean.

Seth kneeled in front of Dean, one hand reaching out to touch Dean’s head. Wild red rimmed eyes snapped open to look straight into Seth’s. The glazed over look providing evidence of Dean drinking away in his sorrows. Seth didn’t know he had started crying again until he felt tears spilling out of his eyes, a small frown appearing on Dean’s face as he hugged his knees closer against his body.

“Dean..”

“Le..ave ‘m lone.” The muffled broken voice of his lover wrenching Seth’s heart apart even further. He shook his head, wiping away the tears that painted his face. “Can’t do that Baby. Can’t leave you alone.”

Dean’s eyes came back to look at Seth, the pain in those baby blue eyes put the pain Dean inflicted on Seth during his attack to shame. “Did so in the last eight months.”

Ouch. That hurt. Seth didn’t know how he was able to fuck everything up again after learning how difficult it was to live without Dean in his life. He worked so hard to get Dean back, make him a part of his again. Having Dean by his side was something Seth knew he needed more than anything else in this entire world. Yet...Yet he had managed to turn a blind eye to his lover’s needs during one of the most difficult time period of his life.

It wasn’t like Seth didn’t try. But him and Dean no longer had that bonding where words weren’t needed. Dean struggled to open up to Seth no matter how much he tried his best to forget the past and what Seth did to him. Seth struggled to reach out and be what he wanted to be for Dean. He no longer felt worthy. No matter how many sorrys he gave. No matter how many sacrifices he made. It was a burden for Seth to bear. He was the one who ruined their once perfectly healthy relationship. When Dean came back barely resembling the man he once was before his injury took him away, Seth had compromised to just have Dean, even in just small bits and pieces. The simple thought of tackling the issue at hand and taking the risk of losing Dean completely...He wasn’t strong enough to deal with that. 

A broken sob racked out of Seth’s body, more tears slipping out of his tired sad eyes. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what to do. He just knew he needed to be here more than anywhere else. He needed to be with Dean. Even though it was probably a little too late.

Seth shifted over to sit besides Dean, pressing his own back against the wall as he pulled his legs up and hooked his arms over them. He turned his head to look at Dean, his chest tightening painfully as he watched tears raining down from Dean’s eyes. 

“I am so sorry. Fuck...I am...Please...” Seth couldn’t stop from breaking completely, the emotions from the last many weeks finally getting the best of him. “...Please Dean...I am just so fucking sorry...” He babbled, hand coming up to press against his eyes as more sobs shook out of his body.

“ _Sorry_...That’s all you have to say...always. You take and take and take...Until I have nothing left to give...” A harsh wet laugh escaped Dean’s throat, Seth’s fists almost white as he kept his hands from going around Dean and pulling him against his chest. More words spilled from Dean’s mouth, now that he started talking he couldn’t stop. Whether anything made sense or not.

“You did this...You broke me...You had to come back and make me want things and feel things...All ‘cause you were fucking  ** _sorry_**...Ro was there...He patched me up...’s all gone...’m all alone...I was so scared...I was so fucking scared...You...Do you know I almost wanted..to die? I looked round...wanting to see you..forget my pain..but nothing..you were never there...Never. Then I heard...I heard those words in my dreams...It all came back...A hell cat..rabies...never your brother...never your friend...You tried to kill me...I forgot...I did...But then you weren’t there and I was all alone...”

Seth watched in horror as Dean started to become hysterical, his body shaking violently, face contorted in a painful expression. He started hitting his face with his hands, loud painful cries ripped out of his throat. Seth knew he would probably get hit, but he couldn’t sit there and watch the love of his life breaking completely like that right in front of his eyes. He couldn’t stop himself from forcefully grabbing Dean’s hands and pulling him against his chest, Dean struggling and thrashing wildly in his arms, Seth closing his eyes and keeping his grip tight. He pressed his mouth against Dean’s head, a weak effort to ground Dean somehow...It used to work once upon a time. Seth was desperately holding onto memories. Another painful reminder of how much he had really lost.

It took a while but Dean finally stopped struggling. His body going limp, like all the fight and rage had left him. Seth’s shirt was drenched with the tears that had spilled out of Dean’s eyes. For the next half an hour, Seth sat there saying ‘sorry’ over and over again as Dean continued to cry and break in his embrace. 

Seth opened his mouth a few times, trying to gather his words so he could reach out to Dean somehow. Someway. He felt desperation, he felt anguish and pain, but most importantly he felt determination to not give up. Giving up on Dean was a mistake he never wanted to repeat ever again. “I fucked up...I fucked up and no matter what I do, what I say, I cannot erase my past and the pain I put you through. But I can’t leave you. Not now. Not when I know Roman is not here to fix my mess. I NEED to be here...I want to help...I don’t got nowhere to go if you are not by my side. I am sorry I wasn’t there...I am sorry I hurt you so much..I promised you so much but wasn’t there when you needed me...I tried..I tried Baby...You just...No..No. I don’t wanna give excuses...Play blame game. I should have reached out better. Should have been more attentive. Should have been there when you were in the hospital...I just..I assumed you needed space and it was screwed up...I’m so sorry that I almost lost you and didn’t even know. I love you..No matter what a shitty ass job I do, I ain’t lying when I say I don’t wanna be without you Baby Boy.” Seth’s voice broke, his own tears falling down onto Dean’s head as he poured his heart out. Dean sniffled in response, his body shuddering as he continued to cry against Seth’s chest.

“I don’t know what to believe in anymore. ‘m not okay. Nothing is okay. I dunno if it will ever be.” Dean whispered, voice so small and defeated. Seth clenched his eyes shut, his arm tightening around Dean’s shoulders as he let out a small sob. “I know. I know Baby...Just...Let me be here. Don’t shut me out. If you wanna fight...If that’s gonna help..I’ll fight you. I’ll give you the fight of your life...But I can’t leave you alone. Whatever...whatever is that you need, I just wanna be here. We gonna fix you. We gonna fix  _us_.”

Seth’s eyes teared up when Dean sobbed some more and clung to Seth’s body. Seth knew he wanted to say more, but he also knew words weren’t meaning much at the moment. Dean was lost, his faith was shattered and Seth didn’t know what to do to make it better. So he just held Dean, let him cry some more before he felt Dean’s breathing evened out eventually. 

“Dean?...Oh Baby...” Seth grabbed Dean’s head and pulled his face out of where he had it buried against Seth’s body, realizing Dean had passed out. Exhaustion and alcohol in his system finally pulling him under and for the time being, he almost looked peaceful. Seth kept watching Dean for few minutes, touching his face and kissing his temple because he didn’t know if he would be allowed to do so if Dean was awake. He felt wind blowing and a shiver ran through his body. He knew he needed to move. Get Dean and himself somewhere safe and sound. 

Seth pushed himself up to his feet, bending down and hooking his arms under Dean’s knees and shoulders before picking him up bridal style. He looked around, making sure there was no audience before he walked towards his car and put Dean inside the passenger seat. He pulled the seat belt on, hesitating slightly before placing one soft gentle kiss against Dean’s forehead and pulling back to brush his fingers against Dean’s cheek. He mumbled another ‘I love you’ before he finally pulled out and shut the door. 

* * *

 

Seth was in the middle of putting Dean on the bed and pulling his boots off before adjusting him under the sheets when Dean woke up. His eyes wild and confused, face contorted in slight panic as he felt Seth touching him. Seth tried to give him a soft smile, but it faded as quickly as it came. Dean wiggled away from his touch and scooted towards the other end of the bed, his long lean body curled as much as it could as he looked at Seth with a frown on his face. 

Seth closed his eyes, the hurt he felt couldn’t be put into words. Dean was avoiding his touch ever since he came back, but tonight it hurt the most. Tonight it literally felt like a stab through Seth’s heart. Dean didn’t trust him. Dean didn’t trust him to not hurt him when he was at his weakest. It wasn’t like this before Dean’s injury. Seth wondered what did he really miss during those awful eight months when Dean was out and they didn’t see each other much.

“Dean...I’m not gonna hurt you. You have to know that Baby.”

Seth’s voice was weak and desperate, he watched as Dean continued to look at him with this look in his eye. It was unnerving. It was devastating. Once again, the thought of running away from this, from all of this pain and agony seemed so tempting. But one look at the picture Dean made, so vulnerable and small, so broken...Seth simply couldn’t do it. 

“Don’t...Don’t worry okay? You can sleep here. You need to sleep.”

“You are leaving. Again.” Seth’s eyes snapped open and looked right into Dean’s, the hint of disappointment and sadness crystal clear in those hazy eyes. Seth shook his head, almost a smile breaking on his lips. He reached out to grab at Dean’s hand, not letting him pull away when Dean whimpered slightly at the contact. He brought it up to his lips and pressed a kiss against Dean’s knuckles, a few tears dropping out of his eyes. “No. Never. I am never leaving you Baby. No matter what. I’m just...I’m gonna take the couch. You can sleep here. You are safe. I promise you. I am not gonna touch you if you don’t want me to touch you. But I am not leaving. If you want me, just say the word. I’ll hold you...I’ll kiss you..I’ll do anything.”

Seth watched as Dean’s lip quivered, he lowered his eyes and cried softly, but after a couple of minutes, he nodded. Seth felt Dean’s fingers squeeze around his hand, his heart almost jumping up in joy because this was the only sense of hope he got through the whole night. Maybe it was for nothing, but Seth needed to take comfort in it for his own sake. Dean closed his eyes and hugged a pillow close to his chest. Seth watched him for a few minutes before bending down to press a soft kiss against his head and getting up.

* * *

 

Seth’s sleep hazed mind tried to not panic when he felt a weight pressing against him. He was sleeping on his side, his back against the couch. He opened his eyes to find Dean cuddled up to him, Dean’s back pressed firmly against Seth’s chest. Seth found his arm around Dean’s waist, his hand held by Dean’s. The position so familiar, bringing back so many beautiful memories from the days when things weren't so dark and painful. He closed his eyes and shook his head, getting lost in memories wouldn't help. He needed to be here, to go through this and maybe....maybe one day they will have those days again.

“Hey.” Seth said softly, inhaling the sweet scent of his lover that he had missed so much. Dean turned a little, his eyes still red and the dark circles under his eyes making him look miserable. But he still looked much better than last night. 

“You didn’t leave. I beat you up. You are still here.” There was slight wonder in Dean’s eye, like he couldn’t believe Seth stayed. Seth smiled a little, pressing his lips against the side of Dean’s head as he squeezed his hand.

“I told you. I wasn’t going anywhere. Whatever you need, whatever it is, I’m gonna be here.”

Dean let out a deep sigh, closing his eyes as he felt Seth’s lips against his skin. “I’m sorry. I can’t promise you anything. Because I don’t even know how to fix me. But I’m glad you are here.”

Seth just held Dean tighter against his body, pressing his forehead against Dean’s shoulder as Dean turned back around. “That’s all I want Baby.” Seth whispered softly, not needing to say more than that. For now he was just content to hold Dean in his arms, where his boy was safe and for the time being, okay. 


End file.
